Bhiwani, India

Hello :) It’s been some period, this past year and a half. It’s felt like a whirlwind. Just coasting and letting life happen to me.

My time in the US is over for now — I didn’t get lucky with the work visa lottery. I used to pride myself in thinking that I’d be unaffected by something that’s based on luck. Well, it’s clearly affected me deeply. To spend such a long time building a life out of nothing and for it to fizzle out feels unfair. (Yes, this is by far the bleakest take I can have on the entire situation. Gosh do I cope in a dramatic way.) I can talk about fairness all I want, but at the end of the day, it is what it is. It’s pure attachments.

An attachment to the apartments I’ve lived in. To a way of life that now feels comfortable. An attachment to cooler airs and late-night grocery runs. To the lack of bureaucracy (??). To cheesier things that I cannot think of at this moment. And, above everything else, an attachment to people.

Oh how calming it is to share tea with a friend, to sit in a park and discuss nothingness, to cry together and share an embrace. To try a new sport and have dinner (at the same old “fav” restaurant) to top off the day. To cook for each other. To get hammered and laugh uncontrollably. To share advice about finding love and on how to treat people.

In the three days since leaving the States, I haven’t for once stopped thinking about the few friends that I know I won’t be able to see for some time. You know who you are. If you smiled reading this, chances are I’m talking about you. Know that I miss you dearly.

There’s a lot I take for granted in my day-to-day life, but when I write one of these blogs, I am full of emotions, often gratitude. There’s still much to be thankful for. To the people that taught me things and allowed me to be vulnerable, 🙇.

Things are uncertain. I am homesick when I am home; I am homesick when I am not home. It’s an uncanny feeling that I am going to take some time to process. I know I will be ok. Just need some time to recharge.

Thank you for reading.

Some updates because I didn’t write a 2021 review:

Learned to play some Einaudi on the piano. Barely skied down a black diamond. Chess 1800+ online. Camped in beautiful places. Flipped a bunch of overpriced pictures. 20km in <2h on my tiny uni. Saw a rocket launch.

Storytime soon ☐